This is the final poll. Today is a dark day for America, just as it was yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. Darkness looms as the storm clouds of Covid-19 cast pain and despair over the heads of the wary public. When will it end? What will be the result? Are you happy with the Man running the show, or are you looking for someone new to take the rains?

In these dark days of the Corona Virus, answers to the many questions we ask are as elusive and murky as politicians themselves. Who can we trust?

We offer one answer: ourselves.

Yes, fellow citizens, we hold within ourselves the key to the very mystery we’re trying to unlock. How many of us have joked that senators should receive mug shots instead of cover photos when they refuse to work? Well, now we can all take a shot at them with these commemorative mugs.

Our commemorative mugs are black like our sad hearts and come printed with the amount of time you’ve personally survived this historic shutdown printed on a mug so you can daydream about yourself in combat gear, holding a scorched flag as it waves in the wind. Because you’re more than just a survivor; you’re a moral soldier. And you love coffee. You love all the coffee. You NEEDS IT, precious.

But mostly, you need to be heard and with our commemorative mug comes a very special commemorative voice. Your mug will be your say, your official vote to tell the world (and your annoying neighbors, the Hendersons) just where you stand. So stick it to the Hendersons and show us all your mug. 

Walls. As old as mankind itself. Some ancient walls still stand today, relics of a bygone time when they were necessary for keeping out bands of hungry marauders.

More modern walls meant to separate countrymen with opposing ideals. Now, we seek to build a wall shrouded in controversy. Some say it will provide us protection from a population of needy desperados while others say it’s merely an international chorizo measuring contest. Should our government really shut down over this? You tell us.